to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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