we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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