i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
