A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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