Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
