Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
