I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
