i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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