How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
