his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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