I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
