He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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