Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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