Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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