Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
