Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
