The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
