Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
