I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
