so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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