answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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