the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
