i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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