**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
