:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
