For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
