You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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