How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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