Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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