I cannot find my penis.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
