He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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