is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
