two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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