Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
