Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
