She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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