meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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