She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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