It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Boobs speak an international language.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
