you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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