you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
