90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
