God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
