She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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