I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
