My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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