I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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