Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
