there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
farters have to be the big spoon...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
