It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
