i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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