You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize