She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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