you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
