i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
