Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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