I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need a beard to bite.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
