there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
