Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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