I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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