I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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