So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
