all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize