He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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