I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
