he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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