May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
