i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
