allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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