Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
