is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
