DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
